Back in Business!

So, my last post ended on a pretty dreary note. When I last left you, I was working on getting my spine working again. I know, sounds so easy right? Wellll, I'm happy to report that after three more epidural injections and tons of meds and doctors visits and a new round of physical therapy - I am finally starting to feel like a human being again! Freaking FINALLY.

Can I get a hallelujah?!

The past few months have been ROUGH. Like, horrible, depressing not even playing around, ROUGH. There were a few points when I was absolutely sure that I wasn't going to get better, that I was going to spend the rest of my life with chronic back pain and agonizing flare ups of sciatic nerve pain and I was just going to have to deal with it. If you can believe it, a lot of doctors have told me that (pretty much verbatim) over the years. Assholes. So yeah, I was having all kinds of crazy thoughts, man. Luckily, I'm surrounded by lots of awesome people who didn't let me give up. And now, much sooner than I expected, I'm functioning like a semi-normal person again. Woohoo!! I actually even went shopping this weekend! ::GASP:: I know!!

And in equally awesome news - I've lost 16 lbs, bitches!! When I started easing off the hardcore meds (which, by the way, were not fun - as widespread as the notion is that percocet = a good time, for me it equals lots of throwing up and passing out in a closet at the office - yes, that actually happened) I was finally able to start dieting. It's not easy to eat less when you need to eat a friggin three course feast with every. single. pill. or you'll be throwing up the whole day. So as soon as I stopped taking them on a daily basis, I started dieting. That was over a month ago. I'm still dieting, but I rewarded myself over the weekend with a few new shirts and a new pair of work pants. I deserve it, right? Damn skippy.

My immediate goal is to be able to fit into some Sookie Stackhouseish shorts and a Merlotte's t-shirt for Halloween. I am determined to lose another 20 lbs before then so I can look semi-decent in clothing that shows my legs, though I'm having a hard time trying to convince the hubs that he can work a blonde wig and black leather so he can be Eric. He is much more keen on my friend Joyce's idea of having our husbands/boyfriends dress up as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Boys.

So what else have I been up to? A lot of reading. My niece turned FIVE (um, how the heck? That totally just happened overnight) and my baby brother celebrated his twenty first birthday. I promise I'm going to try and be more diligent about posting, now that I'm not convinced that my life is getting back to normal. I'll leave you all with a picture of me and my adorable niece Alyssa at her birthday party.

Since I've been gone...

Well, I've been MIA again because I've been dealing with a health issue. Not something new - I have a slipped disk in my spine and while it had been manageable for almost two years, it's been flaring up for the last few weeks. And by flaring up, I really mean making my life impossible. The pain is AWFUL. Like -- can't walk, can't sleep, can't sit in a restaurant or movie or even at my desk without squirming with pain kind of awful. The reason it hurts when you have a slipped (herniated) disk is because it's out of place, literally pressing on the nerves running along your spine. Here's a little diagram:

You see the little mushy thing popping out of the bone? That's the disk pressing on the nerve. Everyone asks me what it's like - and the only way I can describe it is it's like you hit your funny bone REALLY REALLY hard - now imagine that pain in the middle of your lower back, traveling into your buttocks and down your legs. And it won't go away, no matter what you do. Only drugs help. Heat sometimes. Massage. It's depressing. I'm dealing with it as best I can, trying to keep a brave face on at work, and I've already scheduled another spinal block for next week, which is basically a cocktail of meds they inject directly into your spine during a quick, outpatient procedure under general anesthesia. In the meantime, I've been operating under a hazy, drowsy, percocet-induced fuzz and trying to stay positive.

That's my new mantra - Must. Stay. Positive. It's easy to feel restless and hopeless and desperate when you suffer from chronic pain. I'm not a great candidate for surgery, so there's no easy fix either - almost all of the doctors I've seen have told me that an operation would really only have a 50/50 chance of success - which, as you can imagine, is not enough to risk someone operating on my spine, especially when there's a high chance that surgery might even makes things worse, let alone someone in their midtwenties who has a higher probability of recurring injury. I've seen more doctors than I can count and it's hard to leave appointment after appointment feeling like you're never going to get better. I'm just praying that this spinal block will work and that I won't have to start yet another regimen of treatment.

If it weren't for my husband, family and amazing friends, I don't think I'd be able to deal with this. It feels like I've been battling for sooo long. Eight years now. I'm tired already. The thought of seeing more doctors exhausts me. Since I was 17, I've been trying to find a solution that will take the pain away permanently and allow me to have a normal life. So far, all the remedies I've found have only been temporary - epidural injections, nerve medication, painkillers, physical therapy, accupuncture, chiropractors. You name it, I've done it. So, here's hoping this round will be the LAST and that I can finally move on from this. Wish me luck!